The five stages of conflict apply to all conflict.
Conflicts are considered opposing viewpoints on a topic not just a husband and
wife fighting or a small dispute among friends. All conflict regardless of the
topic or the length that the conflict last goes through a cycle. The stages in
process view of conflict are: prelude to the conflict, triggering event,
initiation of the conflict, differentiation phase, and finally the resolution
phase. (Cahn & Abigail, 2014)
An example of a conflict that illustrates the conflict process is when deer seasons is on the horizon. My wife always gets upset during deer season because she says I spend too much time away from the house. Deer season runs from October 3rd through January 3rd. For four months I try to hunt as much as possible for multiple reasons. The two main reasons are because I really love to hunt and the second reason is because I can put food on the table which reduces our food bill for the rest of the year.
During the off season (there is really no off season) my wife always says “we need more deer meat next year.” She seems to forget this statement the closer the season approaches. I try to shoot a couple times a month to stay proficient especially with my bow. The closer the season gets the more intense the preparation becomes. Thus the reason, there is no off season. In a continuation of the description of the argument I will relate it to the
The first stage is the prelude to the conflict. The
prelude includes my wife and I and sometimes my stepdaughter who are the people
involved and a bystander. Obviously the relationships among those involved are
also depicted in the prelude which in this case is my wife and my stepdaughter
(Cahn & Abigail, 2014). Also the environment or setting where the conflict
takes place is in the prelude which is in our home (Cahn & Abigail, 2014).
The triggering
event or conflict stimulus is a behavior that the parties in the
conflict point to as the issue, problem, or focal point of the conflict. (Cahn
& Abigail, P. 13, 2014) In the conflict between my wife and I the conflict
begins when I leave the house to go target practice The closer the season draws
the more I try to go practice and begin to get ready. Scouting if possible also
takes place while I turkey hunt which is in April. By the time deer season
arrives and I take vacation time for the opening week we move into the triggering
phase of the conflict.
The initiation phase “happens when at least one person
makes known to the other that a conflict exists, such as reacting to another’s
upsetting comment, pointing out the offensive nature of the other’s behavior,
or reminding the other that she or he is expected to do something the person is
not doing.(Cahn, & Abigail, P. 13, 2014) Basically this is when my wife
gets upset and aggravated at the fact that leaving the house. She begins to
express that I am putting hunting ahead of family on the list of priorities.
The next phase is “the differentiation phase or ongoing interaction pattern occurs when
the participants use constructive or destructive strategies and tactics,
presenting both sides of the story, moving back and forth, and escalating and
de-escalating the conflict(Cahn & Abigail, P.13,2014)”. This is the part of
the conflict where my wife and I begin to express our difference of opinions
and viewpoints. This is where the conflict can turn into an argument if my wife
and I are not careful. We must ensure we respect each other and listen to each
other.
Communication is the key as the conflict is on the move.
My wife’s view is that I should be home more and when I leave try to take the
kids with me. My viewpoint is that taking the kids would only lengthen the
amount of time it takes to prepare and be away from home not to mention
distract from what I am focusing on. My love doesn’t change for my family but
she feels that way and I must try to meet her needs and ensure when I am home
that I’m focusing on the family.
The resolution
phase or outcome occurs when those involved accept some outcome to the
conflict. Ideally, a successful conflict results in a win–win outcome, where
the participants are both satisfied with the outcome and put the matter to
rest. (Cahn & Abigail, P.14, 2014) This phase can actually create more
conflict if both people don’t understand the situation and circumstance. Both
people can actually agree to postpone the conflict and come back to it later
but if both parties choose not to then it creates disgruntle feelings also
intertwined within the built up emotions from the conflict.
In my conflict with my wife we both agreed that my wife
needed to get out more and also that I needed to make sure my family felt they
were my priority. It helps my side that I killed 13 deer this year and I am
just not off in the woods and not being productive. The time and effort I spend
in preparation pays off. My wife also understands my love and need to get away.
She in turn tries to take her time doing what she likes. We work everything
into our busy schedule and because we do; we both reap the rewards.
Understanding the conflict process will help me to
project which phase we enter and how to be respectful and also make progress
with my wife. There is one step in the cycle that I feel needs added. Although
I am unsure what the title would be it would incorporate the phase where old
issues get readdressed. The really big issue that always seems to arise when it
comes to conflicts. For most couples it would be money or co-workers perhaps a
new job opening where the company brings in an outsider. Over all, this process
of conflict is pretty spot on and I enjoyed looking at it in relation to a
conflict that I have been involved in.
References
Cahn,
D and Abigail RA, Managing conflict through communication, 5th
edition, Pearson: Boston, 2014.
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